


Really I Don't

by Telesilla



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-08
Updated: 2004-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-05 23:44:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude's getting married in the morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Really I Don't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kyuuketsukirui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuuketsukirui/gifts).



_I shouldn't want that,_ Jude thinks, watching Ewan across the room. His best friend is drinking steadily and in a way that seems a little more ... deliberate than you usually see at a stag night. _I shouldn't want to grab him and drag him off to the gents for a quick shag or a blow job._

But Jude does want. He wants fiercely, and it makes no sense at all. He and Ewan are over; although he's really not sure exactly what it is that they're over, but whatever it was, they are most certainly over it. _Wasn't anything more than a shag every once in a while, a blow job when one of us fancied it._

So why's it hurt so much when he looks over to Ewan's corner again and sees Ewan hanging all over Jonny Lee? Why'd it hurt when, earlier, he overheard Ewan saying something about working on Velvet Goldmine, which is, apparently, an utter hot bed of gay goings on.

And there's the real problem right there, Jude muses, watching Ewan glance at the very attractive, mostly naked, female stripper with total disinterest. _I'm not gay._

Oh, he likes a bloke now and then, but really -- he tells himself yet again -- he's more partial to birds. He wants a wife and a family and a career, none of which he feels he can have if he's gay. And he loves Sadie, he really does. She's fun and a little edgy and very attractive and talented enough to have a career of her own. He's already seeing how they can form a good team and move forward with their lives, following the map they've agreed on.

_Just the jitters, really. I'm feeling like this because I'm fretting about tomorrow._

When he looks up, Jonny Lee's nipping off toward the loo, watched by a somewhat unsteady Ewan. And sure enough, a moment later, Ewan's heading that way as well, not even looking to see if anyone is watching him.

_I shouldn't want that._

And he doesn't. Really, he doesn't.

_-end-_

**Author's Note:**

> For Travis, who asked for Judewan and the phrase "I shouldn't want this."


End file.
